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Moonlight Reader

Lawyer, mother, avid reader. Game host extraordinaire! Partner in crime to Obsidian Black Plague! My bookish weaknesses include classics, fantasy, YA, and agreeing to read more books than is even remotely possible.

Gone Girl In Fifty Shades of Grey (and not in a good way)

The Girl Before: A Novel - JP Delaney

I've actually grown to dislike this book more in the few days since I finished it.


Overhyped and underwhelmed.


Honestly, I should've known better. I mean, first of all, it had the word "Girl" in the title, which was a clue that it would be bandwaggoning the tail end of a trend. And then, once I finished reading it, I found Emily May's goodreads review that made the connection between this book and Fifty Shades of Grey.


Here is a list of all of the things I hated about this book:


1. Edward. His character was completely unconvincing. I haven't read FSoG and I have no plans to do so. However, that book has permeated the pop culture to the level that even I was able to draw the parallels between his character and Christian Grey. "I don't do traditional relationships," he purred, smoothly. "I'm coming over, and I'm going to take you to bed," he told her (completely out of the blue, by the way). If a man said that to me, I'd meet him at the door with a sledgehammer and a restraining order. Not that Jane would have a sledgehammer, since it's probably a violation of the preposterous rules that she agreed to before moving into the house to have a sledgehammer.

2. BDSM. Never have I been so unconvinced of spanking in a book. Never.

3. BDSM. When Emma called him "daddy" it literally came out of nowhere. The ultimate sexual non sequitur. Where in the hell did that come from?

4. Emma. Shut your fucking face you lying liar who lies. Honestly, she was one of the most unlikeable female characters in any book ever. She lied about everything. Everything that made her sympathetic turned out to be entirely false. There were three sociopaths in this book, and she was one of them. Are we supposed to like her? I'm unclear on this point.

5. Jane. She is basically the equivalent of that dumb blonde in a horror movie who hides behind the wall of whirling knives instead of running the fuck away while she can.

6. It's treatment of trauma was totally surface and entirely based on the author's idea of what some one who has experienced trauma might do.

7. The house itself was entirely creepy and no one would ever live there. People who are alive, and who are not wax statues, do things that create clutter and mess. Even the tidiest house will have, at a minimum, a family photo displayed. Living in that house would be like living in a mausoleum. No one would voluntarily live in a mausoleum before they had actually become a corpse.

8. The twist. I figured it out. Go away.

9. The dual narrations in opposing chapters. Tired. Trite. Been done.

10. The ending. Nice gimmick.


So, yeah, there really wasn't anything I liked about this book. I should've known better, really, than to buy it. But can this trend of unrealistic characters and their behaviors in "realistic" fiction be over now, please.